Lately, a lot of terrific people have been reaching out to me. Activists, friends, potential collaborators, other academics. A few weeks ago, a woman doing her masters degree in Quebec/Canada emailed me, telling me about her thesis work in french literature, which discusses polyamory, and asked that we swap sources and share ideas. She told me a bit of information that I’d like to pass on here. Apparently, polyamory is still quite unknown in the French language. The word “polyamour” has not yet made it into the French dictionary (though polyamory has been in the English Oxford since 2006). Many of the academics in french literature she has been in contact with usually say “poly what?” when she tells them about her research.
Fascinating, no? I wonder how much longer that will be the case. My guess is: not too long. Today I’m reading an article by Elizabeth F. Emens called “Monogamy’s Law: Compulsory Monogamy and Polyamorous Existence,” which was published in the New York University Review of Law. In this piece, Emens comments on the growing visibility of polyamory, stating that this model of relationship is done by “increasingly vocal practitioners” (282). I think that’s right. More and more and more people are speaking up, speaking out. It seems that many of us are no longer content to stay in the closet. And, when the closets start to get dusty from lack of use, that’s when new words will populate dictionaries…that’s when laws will change…that’s when we can embrace a new world, where the dysfunctional practices of adultery (lying to those we supposedly love) and serial monogamy (which involves painful divorce/remarriage and the splitting up of families) won’t seem like the only option for the millions, most likely billions, of people worldwide who want more out of life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting more.
…When did humans get it into our heads that wanting more is a bad thing?
When? When Puritanical beliefs were accepted unconsciously as consensus reality and implemented as cultural and social norms. We are an ecstasy-phobic society. We fear and resent those pursuing their Bliss because we are kept small by so many forces. Truly analyzing and going in the direction of what we authentically want is a rejection of the capitalistic & heteronormative paradigm, and that psychically upsets many who have identified with the oppressor or are enjoying their privilege.
I agree, Jen: We are certainly an ecstasy-phobic society. Just look at our laws. We have banned things like DMT, LSD, pot, and others that cause us to step outside our reality and think differently…and alcohol is legal, a substance which merely dulls our experience and causes us to become depressed.
Yes, people who are pursuing their Bliss are looked down upon. My partner used to work at a company where he refused to get stressed out and refused to participate in gossip. He basically walked around smiling and being optimistic and blissed-out. Well, he got fired. He didn’t mesh with the culture of “one must hate one’s work. One must be stressed at work.”
I know those are a bit tangential, maybe…but I do think they bring more color to what we are talking about. We live in a capitalistic world, where we are supposed to shut up, do what we are told, and follow the sad crowd. Anything else is seen as either impossible, crazy, or dangerous. (And if anyone reads this and doesn’t agree, then that person is probably still very much asleep to the forces which, unfortunately, still make up so much of our world.)